hey ho guys! i've got another blog (more on fashion!) hahaha..

click

must come and visit ok?

XO,
Laura

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Dear all, I've been slacking cause I'm broke and need money!

So.. so.. shop here and help to feed me!!! :D:D:D

***

ok so back to blogging.

To read is something, to apply is another story. So I've been reading this book "Men are from mars and Women are from Venus" (all you folks around here who are confused by the opposite gender should read this! :)) and it's really interesting. I started reading it last sem during my finals haha. I did tell some of my friends about this book but got weird stares and such. Personally, I don't think it makes me desperate whatsoever but I wanted to actually be enligthen about the whole gender stuff. See what the fuss is all about. I am not ashamed :)

So. To trust is something difficult. I personally have trust issues but hey! everyone does, I believe. I admit I have a few issues I want to face/break this year in 2009, so here I am, sharing them :) I want to break out and explode! (in a good way of course) Letting my stupid past rob me from my smiles, totally not worth it. Screw you, I love happy so happy works for me.

I was in the car, sitting at the back seat of my aunts car and it hit me. I worry too much. Too damn much that I look sulky all the time when hey.. chill lah :) Although I know this and that is not necessary.. But I think I made it caught up till it fried my brain.. and then I failed to see and smell the flowers growing beside me. I love time alone, it makes me happy :D I want to be carefree, but not stupid. Geddit? :D

So 2009, I want to rediscover my youth. Be who I am. Not the worried ass bitch. I stress myself too much, I push myself too much. Heck for? So that I appear steady and shyte? So that my mom can boast to her friends saying she doesn't give me allowances anymore cause I earn my own living? No man. I've always been so too damned independent that I'm so tired. You have no idea. I hate relying on people and I don't trust anyone. Who did I turn out to be? Where was all the stupid silly faces and smiles that I use to paint on this sticky face? BLAH I'm only 21. Gr, I'm only 21 for crying out loud!

Yes of course I realise why and what caused me to become what I am today. And I've been blaming and blaming ang blaming. One night robbed my entire bag of happiness. Worth it? Hell no. I've been struggling for 6 friggin' years. It's time to stop.

I need to smell the coffee again.

:)

So back to trust. I believe you have to trust regardless of how insecured you are. Screw those who took your trust for granted in the past. Do you think its worth it to let it get in the way again? When you don't trust, you hurt another party. Fair enough. When you trust, you gain trust and if you don't trust, seriously don't expect others to trust you. Win win, lose lose. Point taken or not?

Of course there's a whole other issue about not wanting to get hurt and all. I get that. If you're not ready, just chill. God's in no hurry with you :) Time heals. Just hang in there, be strong. And when you're ready to start over, get up and start walking and if you're legs are strong enough, then run. Run like the wind. :D:D:D

When all is said and done, and when tiredness sips in. Close your eyes and try happy. It works :)

So hohoho Merry Christmas! (haha, ok totally tak kena but whateverrrrr)

XO,

Laura

2.05am

karma. it doesn't work for me. where the hell are you?

:(

I've been quiet. Quiet for too long. I'm tired of being nice, I'm tired of smiling when I don't want to. How I dread it in the past 5 months. How I beared with you. How I beared with you. The amount of times I felt like locking in the toilet and cry. How I felt so ripped off. How I felt so ripped off. Looking from the lower level a few years back, everything seemed so simple. It all looked so simple. I entered with great hopes, of doing my best. Doing my best for you. Wouldn't I know now, that everything is a mistake, everything was a mistake. Why did I agree? Why did I? Why couldn't I just say no and said I have more important things to do: like be a student. Be 20. Be a real 20 year old. Why did I press myself against the floor, why did I have to be so damned positive. Too positive. Too dumb. Why? OH yes I know why: Cause I want to leave things in a good way, I don't want to leave things half way. Let me, Laura Teo carry the weight.

Now I sit here, with my watery eyes and nose and all. How I wish, how I wish someone had warned me about this consequences. How I wish, this would all go away.

I just want to be 21. I just want to be 21. I don't want to be juggling so many jobs and not getting back what I deserve. What I deserve. What I deserve. What I deserve.

I am burning out.
I am.
I
AM.


Lesson learned. Never be too nice. Never be too nice and blinded. Never smile when you don't want to. You'll never know what hit you until you're down on the floor, but but.. but u think you're actually still standing.. with a smile on your face.. when.. when u actually ought to be crying.

end.

woot! gym in cyber is open! hayhotheveryho!

It's been a while. Nothing's been happening lately. Miss OCD rocks. I love to thank my buyers, the ones who advertise for me, the ones who layan me on the facebook groups, the ones that text me, emailed me, and of course, my mother for following me every week to deal with cut-throat ganas suppliers who want to rip every single cent out of you.

thank you very much, love you mwah.

i'm back in cyber. trying to juggle being a student, an expert (uh huh still have not given up my job cause i love my little yellow armies veryy veryy much) and being Miss Ocd. It's tiring and dries me up till I'm close to being like a dead cockroach. upside down. hands and legs in the air. and of course, not moving. :D i love what i do, don't get me wrong. i'm only human. and that's my saving grace.

i adore my room. its really small and cozy. ahem. what the hell you guys are gonna visit anyway so i shall tell you guys here. aham. truthfully i love my room cause it looks like a mall inside! hardeeheeharhar :P the mannequin is in my room along with a rack of clothes of my new arrivals and of course my own clothes too :D other than that, the old stocks are all outside. so girls who live in cyber, come to my house for an offline partay! just text me! visit: http://missocdinshopping.blogspot.com for more info. yeay! :) love youuuu. ;) ;) ;)

kay back to earth.

i still hate mmu's timetable/schedule/stad/exam unit/subject coordinators. they seriously have no brains. they screw over my time table and subjects every single sem I just want to stab them so hard they wanted to die before i wanted to stab them. grrrr. just the other day i went to FOM to ask for the ADD DROP form cause my cocurricular classes were full and i had to take them NOW cause i'm in my final year but nooooo they said, "oh, because its koko u have to go to stad and ask for the form.." LIKE HELLO you guys dont have the form why u wanna make my life so difficult. every sem i ask and it's always provided HERE. sheesh. thank goodness for them i was feeling gracious and all so i said fine, i'll go to stad. i went to stad, stad asked me to go to exam unit. i went to exam unit and exam unit were all out of the stupid forms. and guess what? they asked me to go to stad. WTH okay. I was already late for class, and i'm running around buildings in the search of this one little piece of paper. pathetic. very very pathetic. then this one lady who was eating some i dont know what saw that i was full with frustration told me.. "ala u pergi ground floor kat one stop student center. kat situ boleh dapat form tu.." WTH. So i said fine i'll go find this one center student stop or whatever u call it (my hopes were all crushed already anyway i was so prepared to take a whooping 7 subjects next sem because of one stupid form) so took the lift down to this unknown new center and wala. i saw ONE nice stacc of forms which i was looking for. wth it took me 30 mins to hunt this papers down okay. and it was there all along i wanted to go to exam unit and throw the forms to their faces. GRRRR they really know how to put me off and make a fool out of me. thanks goodness i wasn't wearing heelssss GRRR.

ok ganas time over.
i'm still a very nice person kay.

:)

i went swimming twice this week. forgot to being my goggles and my swim suit was missing (turned my room back at home up side down) so i only had my bikini. borrowed the house mates goggles but apparently its too big and does not suit my face so i have water coming into the goggles everytime i swam grrrr. oh and i signed up for yoga i'm so excited i cannot wait you don't even understand! i miss yogaaaaaaaa!

and i think i lost my pencil box.
(looks are house mate and promises him to pay back his eraser, ruler, shaker mechanical pencil) but hey! i still have your pen! don't ask why, long story :D

back to my clumsy self, i bruised my hip i dont know how. :( but it hurts like anything. other than that i've been having weird dreams.

dream 1:
my mmu friend called shea was going to get married to this top notch jerk. who already has a husband and children. she was going to be his 2nd wife. i was so pissed with her okay. i went to her room 1 day before her wedding and she was smilling all silly looking thinking she's marrying this dashing young gentleman. and i dont know why Zhen yang was in my dreams. he came by with his waja and a BMW and he asked me to drive the bmw to shea's house. so ok, i went. and lo and behold the road to shea's house was all tiny and narrow and me, in a huge ass beemer. i was so pissed in the car thinking why did zhenyang didnt let me dirve the wajaaaa :P lols.

dream 2:
cant really rmb much but there was killing and shooting and i was this refugee. i had to wear this blue baju and act like a statue so they would import me to another country.

dream 3:
so in the chaos od the country i'm living in. there were these creepy men all around. so i was buying this magazine or something and this small little indian man (hey i'm not racist okay. dont know why i dream of an indian man) who was stalking me. he didn't let me pass the roads i wanted to and he was smilling all hamsap on me. i know it sounds super funny and some of u may be laughing at me but it's not funny! i woke up in cold sweat and my heart was raising like anything. :( boohoohoo.

harhar i know randomness :P oh well. thats all for nowwwwww. will blog more often i promise!

<3 laurat

karma.

i don't believe in karma.

ladies and gents, i just had the worst day of my life.

kthxb.

am good for nothing.
am good for nothing...

did you know?

when you want to be quiet, ironically you end up making the loudest thud. like ever.
the more you secretly wish.. and sometimes.. sometimes you divert your attention.. but it somehow turns out bad. (because as they say.. when you want something, the other always happens)
when you try and make the best out of nothing, nothing actually happens
when you had great plans but they all fall apart the next day leaving you feeling damn potong steam

the more you want.
the more you fall.
the more you try harder.
you fall more than the previous more.

sometimes just wanting is too much.
thinking about having something is pathetic.
you go thru all the odds in wanting to just stand out so to say, but you end up crippled. slipping further into the ground.

what is the point of it all...?

alcohol can only do so much. you end up waking up and having some side effects. worth it? you tell me.

bah.

there has to be more than this.
there has to be more than this.

am good for nothing.
am good for nothing.

it's a fri nite and i'm bored.

so bored i recorded myself sing omg.

:P